Year-end Review: The Best and Worst Films of 2009

Looking back on 2009, one sees a very bland year. So much was not good. So much more was just ordinary at best.

On the stinker’s list are the following…

All About Steve (D-)

An unlikably ditzy and undeserving romantic comedy that is fit for the dunghill.

Couples Retreat (D+)

Wasn't quite as bad as it was made out to be by some, but you'll "retreat" from watching this soon enough!

Dragonball: Evolution (F)

A miserable adaption of the corny Japanese Dragonball animated action show.

Gamer (F)

Disgusting and repulsive to the core, Gamer doesn't play games when it comes to making you regret watching it.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (D-)

An actionpacked and air-headed adventure of annoyance and a poor story.

Knowing (D-)

A stereotypical Hollywood slandering of atheists with a hazy, end-times plot that deserves repudiating.

Land of the Lost (D-)

Another really, really, really bad Will Ferrill movie.

Love Happens (F)

Sappy, melodramatic, cliched, and repulsive all in one.

Old Dogs (F) (no review available)

A movie so stupid, witless, and intelligence-insulting that it can only hope to successfully entertain three-year-olds.

The Final Destination IV (D-)

More of the same hollow horror crap.

The Ugly Truth (D+)

A dumb and trashy romantic comedy that is more insulting than anything else.

The Unborn (D-)

A miserably weak and non-thought-out horror film that, well, just sucks.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (F)

Noisy, clangy, stupid, and mindless, just like the 2007 Transformers, but worse.

Whiteout (D-)

Nice Antarctic scenery, but nothing else.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (D+)

An insult to the X-men series.

The Must-sees are…

Avatar (A-)

An excellent and visually pleasing film from the brilliant mind of James Cameron.

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (B+)

Wonderfully creative and delightfully imaginative.

District 9 (A+)

Very disturbing, but one of the best Sci-fi works in quite a while.

Extract (B+)

Cute and funny in a relaxing way.

I Love You, Man! (A-)

Dirty, but moving and funny.

Inglourious Basterds (A-)

Clever Taurantino writing at it again!

Mr. Fantastic Fox (no review available)

An excellent film on so many levels.

Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire (A+)

So moving and powerful that you've got to see it!

Public Enemies (B+)

An incredible film with Johnny Depp as John Dilinger.

State of Play (A-)

Russell Crowe plays a journalist who brings down corruption in this better-than-good movie.

The Blindside (B+) A wonderful family fillm.

The Invention of Lying (A-)

A hilarious and funny (if humanist) take on a world wherein only one man can lie.

Up (A+)

Pixar does it again!

Watchmen (A+)

The best comic movie ever!

And, alas, my picks for the best and worst of 2009…

The Best: Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire (A+)

This powerfully moving film blows the socks off this year’s competition with it’s tear-jerking and terribly (and I do mean “terribly”) life-like portrayal of the sad life of an illiterate, obese inner-city girl named Precious whose father gives her two children by rape and whose mother blames her daughter for stealing her husband. Mon’ique, Mariah Carey, and Gabourey “Gabby” Sidibe star in a movie that is too much for most to handle—and what the rest of us don’t want to handle.

The Worst: Love Happens (F)

This melodramatic flop is the bonafide worst of the worst movie this year, but I’m far from the only one to call it out as a terrible barf-fest of “blahhhhhhhh.” This could be (no, it is) one of the worst films of all time.

(JH)